Out of control dream.

I rarely remember any of my dreams. And the ones I do, they’re extreme, and that’s why I remember them. I either wake up scared shitless, horribly depressed, laughing my ass off, or completely confused. This dream in particular left me a little bummed out (which quickly passed) and one hundred percent like “what the shit just happened?”

There are two essential locations of this dream sequence, the bathroom and boot camp. Now, don’t let these designations lead you on… neither location was much like their namesake. But first, some background, and a possible explanation as to why my brain partook in its flight of fancy.

One Thursday, two old friends were visiting. They both had spring break, so they had nothing better to do, and I was completely checked out because my spring break was in a day. They slept on the floor, and my roommate and I slept in our respective beds, which are lofted (like a bunk bed without a bottom bunk.) Needless to say, it gets pretty warm up there, so when it’s just him and me, we have the window open, even in the dead of winter. But that night, we had guests on the floor, and didn’t want them to die of hypothermia, so the window remained closed. The conditions were set for an extremely messed up dream.

It starts with me, in the same exact situation. I wake up, hot, and needing to urinate, badly. I quietly make my way down off my bed, slap my slippers on, and then I’m in the bathroom. Technically, it’s the bathroom, because it shares the same location and many qualities with the real bathroom. Walking into the doorway, there is a wall in front of you, so you turn right and the bathroom extends in front of you for about 40 feet, with a width of 25 ft or so. Along the right wall is a bunch of sinks, and along the left side are many windows. There is a dividing wall between the sinks and the windows… you know what, I’m going to draw a picture. It’ll be easier.

Ok, so the blue is the showers, yellow, the pissers, purple, the sinks, and brown, the toilets. Pretty simple. But in my dream, the room is about twice as long, and wider. In between the sinks and the urinals, there is a row of what can only be described as a dozen toilet-sinks. They are toilet bowls elevated to sink level, but without a flusher. And at each of these toilet-sinks is an unfortunate drunk vomiting. The bathroom is FULL of people, either vomiting at the toilet-sinks, urinating, or breaking the number one rule of bathroom etiquette, chatting. Now, I get a little nervous when people are around, so I definitely don’t want to use a urinal surrounded by people. So I move into a stall and close the door. I turn to look at the toilet, and this is where it starts to get a bit out of control. The stall itself is much larger than normal, and the toilet is almost flat on the ground; the seat is more like a massive bench surrounding a larger than normal hole. But that’s not the worst part; every single surface is coated in some sort of excrement, describable as baked vomit, similar to the top of a very well done lasagna. At this point, I’m getting extreme sensations of texture, followed by color. But no disgust. For some reason, I want to sit down, so I start flushing the toilet to clean this excrement off… it sort of works because instead of simply flushing, the toilet squirts water out like a water fountain, which sort of makes the baked-vomit disappear. But it’s too slow, so I leave that stall and move on down the line. The next stall I enter is huge, and filled with people. The main aspect of this is the guy on the toilet. I don’t know exactly what he looks like, probably large and jolly, but I have the overwhelming sense of “guru.” He’s sitting on the toilet like some sort of throne thing, and everyone is lounging around. End. The next section begins with me leaving the bathroom, but something weird happens, and all of a sudden I’m somewhere else being transported to some sort of training facility. No visuals, just a feeling of being taken against my will, like I’m being drafted. My captors are all females, like crazy Amazons. My next visuals are me being led up some stairs, reminiscent of Chronicles of Riddick. They’re telling me about being trained or something, and they’re definitely not friendly. The stairs are very long, and we climb a long way before we come to a door and one of them says “You will stay in the library.” I get shoved into a small bookshelf in the corner of a medium sized room, and my impact knocks over a bunch of books. The books are children’s books, and there is only a double-sided shelf of them. Then, the last thing I remember is me being extremely upset, because now I’m not going to be able to see one of my friends.

I woke up extremely distraught at this fact, and it took me a while to realize it wasn’t real. Regardless to say, I was relieved.