Testamentality.

It’s not a word, don’t bother looking it up.

I was just reflecting back on this past year of my life. Previous to right about now, I could’ve said the year previous to this one was the most chaotic, action packed, and fluctuating. But I’d have to say even the last nine months beats the hell out of every year of my life combined. Except maybe birth. Just about every clichéd event that could happen to a person happened to me. Except maybe drug addiction and a car crash. And hitting it big at the casino… or getting drafted… whatever, don’t worry about it.

I’ve been up, down, all around. And this has brought up the idea of suicide/assisted suicide into my head. Life may blow, I can tell you this from personal and vicarious experience, but in the end it’s better than not having it… sort of like, it’s better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. I think at one time, I tried to take the pragmatic point of view that if life sucks/is going to suck, don’t do it… but that’s a bad idea now that I think about it.

This is turning out to be a badly thought out post.

Back on track… I’ve always been fond of the expression “There are worse things than death that can happen to a person,” or something similar. Slavery, imprisonment, torture… pain can be worse than death. But I’m not so entirely sure anymore. In certain situations, death can be a release from a hell… but then, that’s the end. There is much more to life than just the present; there is hope and possibility. Only in the face of absolute certainty that things will never be better, ever, should it even be considered to stop life. Even an incomplete life, a diseased or handicapped or damaged life, all are worth living. One, because it’s all we’ve got. Two, because even the slightest good that can be done is worth living for; there is no greater good than the proliferation of good.

I write this because sometimes this idea can get lost or forgotten, and maybe this post will be read by someone and convince them that what seems so horrible now may not be so horrible in the future… Such is the nature of life, and of being alive.

Keep it together… I love you all.

(I’m fine.)